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| Plus three boards of drink menu over to the right |
I try to be an even-keeled person. I try to think before I speak. I try to listen. I try to observe widely. I try to make informed decisions.
Until I'm at a register.
I can't tell you how many times I've had tiny panic attacks just confronted with ordering coffee. It goes like this. I'm in a short line at a coffee shop. Maybe one person in front of me, one person behind. I'm new to this coffee shop and today, I also want a small breakfast. I don't have time to thoroughly scan the menu, deciding what is best for me from this particular establishment. My eyes glaze over as I skim the bagel menu. Open-face California bagel? Yes, I'll take that. I like California after all. Can't be bad. And I need a latte! No time to see if they have different sizes, I order a large. A large surely has two shots in it, and that's all that matters. I pay, tip, and step aside. The person behind me is on his phone, arrogantly ignoring the silent plea from the employee at the register to get the fuck on with it. I rushed for this asshole?
I sit down to wait for my bagel and latte and use this time to actually read the menu. There are the drinks. They do have medium! Why didn't I just ask? My overly-milky latte comes and there's no one to blame but myself. Reading the bagel menu I see I might have liked the veggie melt bagel. I note this for next time, when my tunnel-vision is sure to return. The California bagel is good though. I consider myself one for two.
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I resist getting a bicycle because I know I'll hate the experience in the shop. Sadly I'm not "just looking" today. I need a bike! This one over here looks good. It's $200. I practically throw my money at the register. JUST TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE ME THE BIKE. Do I want a lock? Well yeah. Do you want to know the best way to use the lock? Of course, but please take my money, look, here's my money, just take it, and GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE. Leaving the shop I'm reminded I also need lights. Yeah sure, I'll get them later, no problem... later... (a dumb move because lights were RIGHT THERE and this is a mom and pop shop that gives you good deals on things when you buy a friggin bike!).
I think this is all bred from being overly concerned about not wasting other peoples' time, being seen as dim, or being seen as inconsiderate. I want to be the ideal customer. I want to know what I want, order it adeptly, receive it without confusion, go about my business, and let the shop go about theirs.
But when I don't know what I want, I want to have the patience to figure it out. Step aside, read the fucking menu, kindly smile and say I'm not ready if I'm not, and then, efficiently conduct business. Instead of purchasing panic, bring on some purchasing peace.
Now I'm curious if this is a normal experience for everyone, or just for the relatively anxious.
Hello, my name is Eve, and I'm relatively anxious.
