The lazies

Every workday morning I wake up and think 2 things: (1) I can't wait to get home and come back to bed, and (2) If I could only stay home today I'd get SO MUCH DONE around the apartment. That laundry I didn't do last night I'd do right away. I'd clean off the kitchen counter AND make coffee. TWO cups. I'd vacuum and then do a work-out video. I'd organize my closet. Fuck, I'd dust.

Then I get to work. I think, gosh, I can't wait to go home and be productive. Then I read the news online while I take small breaks from work emails and meetings and printing things. I put off a thing or two because I should really start them tomorrow nice and early when I get to work, not now, heck it's almost 10:30.

Lunch at 11:30 because I didn't eat breakfast. Then some more work. Hopefully I'll stay on my feet and the time will fly. If I'm at my desk I get the yawns. I should get some afternoon coffee.

I should go home early since I'm gonna work on this poster/paper/whatever tonight with a glass of wine after dinner. I'll concentrate better without all these interruptions from work people anyway.

I get home. Dinner devolves into salsa and chips or a glass of milk with chocolate malt Ovaltine. Maybe a frozen pizza if I'm really hungry. I snack on olives and gummy vitamins. Sometimes I'm actually too lazy to uncork a bottle of wine. Let me repeat that, sometimes I'm too lazy to uncork a bottle of wine. I could vacuum and do that work-out video but it's after dark and my downstairs neighbor's peace should be respected. I could do laundry but it's dark out and it's safer if I do it when the sun comes up. I should go to bed early so that I can wake up early. That work I was going to catch up on can wait till tomorrow since it's not due till the day after. Maybe I'll catch up on Nashville instead, and Mad Men season 3 won't rewatch itself. I stay up too late because I really really don't want to wash my face and brush my teeth.

Wake up and snooze and snooze and snooze. Take a shower and wash my hair but don't have an extra 3 minutes for conditioner or 4 minutes to dry it or 1 minute to brush it.

Thus goes a depressive period, in the lazy sense. In doing.

I have mental energy. I have curiosity. I have angst. I have love. I have passion. But I also have the lazies. You ever feel like you exhausted all your energy achieving achieving achieving so that you could get this job and live in this apartment? Occasionally someone with kids will tell me to relish the laziness I can afford. They say they'd kill to take a 4 hour nap every Saturday. Sometimes I think they're right, and sometimes I think I'd be a more productive person all around if I had to take care of someone other than myself.

It's almost like I need a bigger challenge. I know I could excel at work and keep a cleaner home and get in better shape. I could. But why? I know I'll meet the work deadlines somehow and keep my cholesterol down and clean up in time for company. It might suck but I can do it. What would I do if I was on top of things all the time? Be a better blogger? Make more chutney? Achieve fitness goals? Volunteer somewhere? Learn to make bread? Have less guilt about my laziness and learn to truly enjoy downtime? Hey wait, this is beginning to sound... damn it.

I may want a bigger challenge, but I certainly don't need one.