Wallpaper heaven

You may or may not be aware that I like silly little things like creating my own silly little desktops and looking at silly expensive wallpaper online. Well I do. There's that.

Then I get an iPad in my hands (for work). One of the first apps I stumble upon is KaleidoPaint, and now I'm totally hooked. (ed. well that's an exaggeration)

Now I want an iPad stylus. Any recommendations? 

Silly little doodles

All hail Gelfoam

Not long ago I chopped off the corner of my finger. My left middle finger, the top edge near my index finger, just missing the nail and chopping off like a tic-tac of the corner. Off. Severed. Holy fucking shit.

After immediately being extremely pissed at myself I began pacing and deep breathing to keep from hyperventilating. I sat down to clean it and thought I might puke, but instead I passed out. I woke up and went to the ER. I was thinking, sure, I could probably stop this bleeding and keep it bandaged until I can get to a pharmacy for good bandages. But I had a big week coming up. I wanted to have professionals attend to this to save me from stressing about my decision during the days ahead.

And boy am I glad I did.

One of the perks of renting an apartment in an affluent suburb of a large city is access to a big, clean emergency room with plenty of extra beds. In under an hour my finger situation was wrapped up. They wouldn't re-attach the piece of skin I cut off (found in a pile of chopped cheese) because it wasn't large enough to take. Instead they rinsed the wound with saline solution (felt lovely) and packed layers of Gelfoam on the cut until the blood didn't come through. This was then gauzed and taped. It felt like the appropriate, secure, white, finger helmet. I loved it.

But I hated the inconvenience. You can't imagine the number of bandage aids and Band-Aids I bought and used. I can personally 100% vouch for flexible fabric Band-Aids, and fabric bandages in general over other kinds. Every couple of weeks I would downshift in protection level. I've been sans bandage for about a week now. I'm just finally beginning to type with that finger again and there's still a good deal of tenderness if I hit it on the area directly. The total attention spent there over all these weeks... incredible.

The 6-8 week bandage iteration, fabric superhero style.

But I gotta tell ya, this wound healed beautifully. Watching my skin patch up so well was the only good part of this situation. It was miraculous - and I give lots of credit to Gelfoam, which is not at drug stores but it seems like people can buy it online in large quantities. You could probably also get it by raiding the master bathroom of your doctor friends.

Or just don't cut the tips of your fingers off.

PS - my doctor friends recommend having this at home

Holiday gift guide 2013 - Relax and enjoy

Did you notice that it's November and December is barreling towards us? If gifts have got you stumped, maybe I can help. Let's wrap your mind around a gift giving philosophy that may simplify your life - the philosophy of theme gifts. Now relax and enjoy...

Theme One:  Hell no, I will NOT embrace winter. Summer and sunlight, I beg you, come back!

This robe (and this one and this one) and Mira and Dita and Heidi finger flair

Fuck those gray winter days in the face by donning a sunny warm glamorous robe (all hail that confident yellow) and some fun bright nail polish (that you hope is being applied over a good base coat, which is a great addition to this gift). Worthy robes are hard to find - you might have better luck in person at stores. If the fab robe doesn't work out, this isn't a terrible substitute.

Theme One, Part Two:  Let's get beautiful

head bliss, face bliss, body bliss

You know those cold winter Saturdays or Sundays when it's just too cold to leave the house? Stay home and play with these lovely novelties. Who doesn't love at least the idea of a mini spa day, no wallet required. (Did it just occur to anyone else that it sounds like I'm writing for a women's magazine?) Add value to this gift by adding good warm knee socks.

Theme Two:  Stop bitchin about it

Subscription, to kitchen porn (online subscription equally desirable), AB book, apron to end all aprons

This is a unisex gift idea for anyone bitching about kitchen deficiencies. An almost identical gift could be made for a number of hobbies/complaints/whatsits. Add value to this gift by buying an item from that Alton Brown book. I really wonder what he recommends for digital meat thermometers. And this apron down there --- stop the electrons. Let's pause and covet. (I'll take one in Meadow and one in Ginger.)

Theme Three:  These A) yuppies don't need anything, or B) people sure love to walk, or C) people are nerds.

Doses of heaven in gift boxes:  Art Institute of Chicago, Chicago Botanic Garden

Memberships! Only an asshole wouldn't love a year-long membership to somewhere local and awesome. (OK, this particular theme may not be good for people-phobes, germ-phobes, and knee-pain sufferers.)

Theme Four:  I actually have been listening

My baby

You can shut up now. Here's the thing you felt was too expensive to throw your money at, but as my major gift to you, the cost makes sense, somehow. I may not love this but you sound like you really want it, so I'm totally covered if this is a bust. But in this case - these are the dopest sneakers and the dopest shall be had by thee, my dopest.

And thus concludes my 2013 gift-giving philosophy.

Peanut butter and lettuce sandwiches

The parents of our friends are always a little strange to be around, no? They had sex, and created your friend. You know this. How intimate! You feel a need to impress them so they trust you around their kid, yet you don't show off lest you be used to guilt trip their kids when you leave. "Well e.francis didn't think the math test was all that hard..."

Yet some parents are really special.

I've been struggling with what to call her since the day she got sick. She's not my friend's mom, although she is. She's not my friend, really. Let's call her a family friend. Let's call her Beatrix. She'd have liked that name.

Beatrix was a hippy in a small moderate town. She always made me call her Beatrix - even when I first met her back before my memory kicked in. She lived two blocks away for many years. She took us to fabric stores for hours and hours and hours. She had a sewing room. I saw her placenta once. She was always kind and smiling.

Mid-playtime she used to give us the choice of peanut butter and lettuce or cheese and lettuce sandwiches. I remember the first time I was faced with this question. What and what? But that's how she rolled. I always rolled with peanut butter while my sister and our friend favored cheese.

As an adult I still eat this sandwich (more the cheese version for some reason). I put salt and pepper in the middle of a very thick lettuce layer. Sometimes I use both peanut butter and cheese. Sometimes it's all-out gourmet.

I think of her every time, like tonight when I enjoyed this:

Beatrix died way too young this week. The day I found out I remember checking Google News and expecting a headline. A small part of me still expects a headline. Why isn't WGN covering this? Why not the Tribune? Beatrix has passed away, way too young, and that's just that?

That's just that.

Diane's dots

Diane Keaton oh so cleverly likes dots as well, I see. But one thing she doesn't seem to like is color. People who don't like color cannot be trusted. I'm watching you, Diane.

Diane Keaton on Pinterest

Diane's dots