Little voices

Here’s a riddle for you:

What sedates you, makes you feel accomplished, and is so addictive that it can absolutely ravish you with self-hatred?

Think about it…

Answer: Streaming TV shows for hours on end. I know of this. Currently, for me, it’s all about Gilmore Girls. My virgin run. We’ll talk about the show later, but for now let’s discuss self-loathing.

Streaming is new to me, and it makes me realize that I like having barriers to bad behavior. At work we’d call these “engineering controls." Kinda like in 2005 when my mom accidentally purchased the complete (Chinese) DVD set of Sex and the City for me. There were three episodes per disc and you needed to navigate the Chinese subtitles off before every episode. Remember back when things were more annoying? Those were the days.

Now?

The Gilmore girls stream by in a dizzying flash. I find a particular mortification, like the collective cringing of all my bodily cells, every time the beloved voice of Carole King booms in for the opening theme song. “If you’re out on the road…” Shhhh, Carole! Can my neighbors hear you? Have they heard you every 43 minutes for the last 3 hours? On scales of 1 to 10, how pathetic am I and how pathetic do I appear? I hope they know it’s my first time, and I’m not, like, a freak who watches all the corny TV shows. I’m allowed my virgin GG run, damn it!

Why am I so angry? Who am I really yelling at here?

Myself, of course.

I see two reasons. For one, I clearly need to stop giving a shit what anyone thinks. Punks, you should be so lucky to hear the affirming hug of Carole King’s pipes every 43 minutes for the last 3 hours. But more importantly, two, I need to develop self-control.

Control of oneself. How do you add it when you lack it? I have it for other things, all kinds of things. You should see me around a dessert table! But for certain things, like fighting inertia in a stream spiral, I need more.

A little voice whispers, “Everyone’s enjoying streaming… it’s normal and okay to zone out like this.” But another voice, sounding like the know-better sneers of harder-working ancestors, suggests my problem is rooted in being too kind to myself already. That voice says my behavior is wrong, and by extension, I'm weak. I hear it wouldn’t be wrong for hard-working people, in moderation. But me? I don’t deserve it.

And they’re right! Look at me. I can’t even stretch while streaming! Or organize something.

“You’re wasting,” they say.

Go away, little voices! I’m learning something here! This is a part of who I have to be, apparently.

God, I hope so. (New mantra:  I'm okay this way.) (Voice shouts:  You're kidding yourself!)

To its credit, streaming TV shows has brought me to new places. One of those places just happens to be a valley of self-loathing where every three episodes I’m forced to admit YES, yes, I am still watching Gilmore Girls. What of it? Are you judging me, Netflix? Join the club!

Say yes to screenshots

Pretty much the best thing about modern technology is the screenshot. Do you know how to take a screenshot on your current mobile device? If not, google it. You'll soon be looking into your photo gallery to refresh all your short term memory.

Behold a small sampling of the screenshots of my recent life:

Pottery goals, inspired by someone's Instagram

A reminder to look into "The Zen of Listening"

A reminder that TVs can be located in small nooks. Remember where it was in Will and Grace?

A reminder to look at Cooks Illustrated

Interesting thoughts on having a limited color palette by Carson Ellis

A bunch of photos I took, surprising me in this grid view

A reminder that I might want to read this

Maps, directions... oh so many maps and directions

I spy places to eat when I next travel to Seattle!

Just something adorable from an email chain

Modern coupling

As the stores get all gussied up in pink and red for Valentine's day, people reflect on love and relationships, no? And then, if they are anything like me, they struggle to begin one of those "let's talk about us" conversations with their chosen one. Why are they so hard to start? It is possible to start one without inflicting terror? I have yet to find.

Maybe you are in a relationship and it could use a small tune up. Here's a Valentine's gift from me to you - Esther Perel. Wise, wise, wise, Esther Perel.

Esther talking about desire in long term relationships.

Esther talking about infidelity.

Here's the plan - open a bottle of wine and (somehow) ask your partner to watch these short videos with you and then talk about them. Maybe you're above the problems. Go you! Celebrate! Or maybe they will strike a nerve that needs to be struck. Too terrorizing? Would you prefer a few sessions of couples counseling? Not me. I'm cheap.

If you're single, watch the videos anyway. There's plenty there for you too. (I know single.)

Relationships. Gotta have them. May they magically be everything you need, which without a little magic and strong communication seems utterly impossible.

Berkeley being Berkeley

robertreich.org/post/138036377515

I may be delusional, but I'm of the opinion that either Bernie or Hilary will cremate any which one of their possible GOP opponents in the 2016 presidential election. This helps me sleep at night.

It also helps me sleep at night knowing Robert Reich of U.C. Berkeley is out there working for the people and the peace. Keep on breaking this theater down, Robert. And translate it into every language. People sometimes listen.

All I want for Christmas

Holiday gift guides are angering me this year. Maybe it's just not my year, but giving gifts to people with plenty has never struck me as more absurd. Give to a local or international charity. Plan and do an activity together, like a hike or craft project. But give people future crap? This must be avoided.

That being said, we all know I am an arbiter of style. Therefore allow me to share with you what would not at all be future crap in my home. Behold, the Dots 2015 gift guide. The theme is simply Things I Want (but don't need, really truly, but would love).

1. Art supplies

Brilliant ideas from two brilliant anonymous artists.

I'm an artist. We all should practice saying that because it's true. It's hard to say out loud, of course, because I don't produce anything of note outside of wonky ceramics and this blog. Friends and family wouldn't even word match "Eve" with "Artist", but who cares! What's my medium? Umm... 

If there's an undersupplied artist in your life, here's what you do. Assess what art they like and want to make. It's likely they have a few artists that they follow in some way. For me this boils down to illustrators, painters, pattern-makers, and ceramic artists. Then get the materials that those established artists are using. This information is in every blog FAQ known to man. Here's one I have bookmarked from illustrator, Lisa Congdon. I still don't know what gouache is. I would love anything on her list or in the image above from Dangerdust.

2. Continuing education

If you want to spend a lot of money on me, buy me Photoshop. If any of my artistic dreams were to come true, I'd need to learn how to use it. My resume is blank without it. I also want to learn how to speak Spanish, both because I live in California and because it would make my resume glow, so tools in that direction would be great. All this resume talk is not what Santa ordered, I know, but expensive things don't buy themselves!

What new things would be useful for your loved ones to learn? (Who said compassion and listening? I heard that!) I'm speaking in a professional sense, but this applies rather broadly. The hazard is that you give people too much pressure to carry through with it. Sometimes looking at that unopened Rosetta Stone box is worse for your psyche than not having it at all. Tread carefully.

3. Hair combs (AKA hair forks)

For some reason I'm very drawn to these. I think I could pull off a simple one. Is there some throw-back, formerly common but now unique thing your loved one has mentioned being drawn to? Someone I know said he was drawn to suspenders. He has no suspenders. If I get him a pair, guess who's now a good listener? Yep. Me. Wins all around.

4. Subscription services

Happy Mail stationary subscription from A Beautiful Mess.

Whether online or physical, subscription services give and give all year long. I would love the Happy Mail stationary subscription that A Beautiful Mess offers. Surely I wouldn't love every card and item received, but the value still seems good. And it would encourage me to reach out to friends more. 

Another one is the Tattly subscription. I've fangirled over Tattly enough already, but hot damn I really do love them. I don't have a current subscription, if anyone asks.

And lastly, I would love a subscription to Creative Bug. It's a place to learn how to do crafty things without surfing YouTube. I've enjoyed the free classes I've watched. 

One caveat - I love to get things in my mailbox. Packages, however, I'm never home to receive. They can't be left outside where I live, which means a personal trip to the post office is required each time I get one. The moral of the story is that I don't want a monthly wine subscription, even though I really do.

5. Gourmet edibles

All from Mouth.

I have these wonderful friends who let me stay in their guest room many nights this year, saving me at least $800 in hotel fare. Inspired by a 20% discount, I'm getting them a collection of edible treats as a thank you gift. The holidays, I feel, are the perfect time to catch up on thank you gifts. This couple wouldn't normally be on my gift list, but this year, owing to this belated thank you, I'm sending them a collection of "boozy goodies" from Mouth. Who doesn't love (prohibitively expensive for every day) gourmet edibles? (edited to add.. If your parents are like mine, you may see this stuff two years from now in the back of their fridge or in cupboards. Don't buy this for those people.)

6. Your favorite children's book

If we're friends, I probably like you. I probably like something in your core - something forged long long ago, like from the fire of bedtime reading. At my core you'll find The Big Orange Splot and But No Elephants. I find myself giving these books to the kids I love, but I'm really giving these to the whole family. I don't have kids, but I still think it'd be so tender and sweet if anyone gifted me their favorite children's book. Reading a children's book at the end of a tough day is centering. It only takes a few minutes and I don't need my reading glasses. Just seeing mine makes me feel good. Sadly, this is probably not a good gift for anyone struggling to get pregnant.

7. Houseplants

NASA says these are tops.

Again, not for everyone. Plants stress some people out. But anyone who owns many plants probably wants more, and you doing the dirty work of buying one, carefully getting it home, repotting it, delivering it... well that there is the gift of love (and air purity). Just make sure whatever you choose is not going to harm their pets.

8. This sweatshirt

And with that, I shall hibernate.

Happy holidays to you and yours!

(Past gift guides:  2014, 2013, 2012)

Dressing like a kid

One of my favorite ways to pass time as a kid was flipping through store catalogs. I'd pretend I could have, oh, let's say one thing from every two pages. I'd study the pages carefully, imagining my wardrobe, jewelry box, or toy chest vastly improved by the new additions. I'd declare, this one, and that dress, bathing suit, engagement ring, or rock tumbler would magically be mine.

Nowadays I dream shop by filling online carts with sale items at Madewell, Anthropologie, and Tattly (and never buying them). But sometimes, due to the rare online order, I will be mailed a slew of catalogs.

Damn you, organic cotton sleep shirt purchase! Look what you have wrought!

The catalogs aimed at me these days don't showcase enough merchandise to get my mind dancing. Picking just one thing is too easy.

Cape up top. Red vest below.

I'm also mailed catalogs for kid clothing. Flipping through one I finally realized, I want to dress like a kid forever! Kids get the fun stuff.

Dog raincoat!

Finally an array of clothing I can dream about! 

I choose the striped leggings with the pink knee-pads.

Dressing like our inner 5-year old reminds me of dressing myself at Burningman. 

Houndstooth skirt, striped leggings, striped socks, faux fur vest, and fanny pack. Legit style right here.

What I love most about Burningman, this crazy yearly festival in the desert, is that people are silently encouraged to dress as outrageously as they want to. No rules. No judgement. It can be intimidating at first, but you get the hang of it. Every day, twice a day (morning and night, because they are two totally different temperatures), you pick out all your own clothes from amongst all the dress-up bins you have access to. And no one says, NO, you're not leaving the house like that. Go back and change!

I don't recall having the luxury of picking out weird outfits for myself as a kid. Then I had a school uniform, followed by years and years of (not) figuring out my style.

Now I know. I want to always dress like a happy, carefree kid. Social pressure and norms aside, why the hell not? Maybe I'll also mix in a few art teacher vibes, some preppy tomboy, and rock 'n' roll. Just imagine!

What does your inner kid want to wear today? Mine has called for purple sneakers, two slightly different shades of red nail polish (one on each hand), and otherwise head-to-toe blue. Tomorrow, polka dots.

A peak inside

Oh so much has happened and not happened since I last blogged.

I went to Fairbanks, St. Louis, Phoenix, Chicago, and best of all, Portland, Oregon.

It was beautiful.

Regular blogging will continue shortly...