Did you find everything you were looking for today?

No, I didn't. You don't even sell sesame seeds here. I think maybe you used to. Doesn't matter. Please DO NOT call over the shift manager. I know what he'll say. But maybe ask that slouch behind you to go look in the back for organic bananas. Snap snap. You're out of organic bananas in the front. Did you really want me to tell you that? I feel bad for the people in this line now. These unlucky bastards are standing behind an honest woman. Do you really want to hear you sell no decent pepperoni. Do you?

...

No, I didn't. Your anchovy selection kinda sucks. If I can't buy an eight dollar jar of good anchovies here, then where the hell am I supposed to go in Illinois? This isn't your problem, really. It's my problem. But since you asked, you're out of the sourdough rounds you have advertised as being on sale. So that was a bust. Not that they are very sour anyway. Ever. And I also couldn't find pet grass today. You've been out for a while now. No no no please don't ask him about the shipment. It's really alright.

But instead:

I lie straight through my fucking teeth.