Guilt tripping

Some person with my name and social security number took college courses while still in high school. Not like, college courses at the high school. Not courses online (that wasn't happening then). Not instead of high school. This lunatic drove far away, twice a week, to attend a 3 hour college night course. Two classes per semester. Fifteen years later when I pass the highway exit to that college a few times a year I just shake my head and think, Who was that?

A week of a college course in one night is no joke. In the middle there was always a short break to stretch our legs and use the restroom. Two of the classes were in a building with a coffee kiosk, which brings me to the point. My two dollar and ten cent mocha.

This was the 90's. Words like "cappuccino" and "latte" had only recently entered my lexicon. Fancy coffee drinks were not in my budget back then. Drive thru Starbucks DID NOT EXIST. Sometimes I feel honored to be among the last generation to remember a time without the internet and without this coffee culture. In 50 years they will call us a "dying breed". But I digress.

Somehow I mustered the courage to order a mocha from the kiosk one day. It pained me to hand over $2.10. PAINED me. That was hard earned money! I rationalized I could afford to tip every other time, but not every time because WHOA. I was embarrassed as well. Who was I to order such extravagances? My parents didn't know I was buying this. They'd be ashamed, I thought. We didn't throw money away like that. I thought of them with every purchase, and then vibrated through the rest of my class and drove home safely in my Tempo. 

Looking back I was always worried about money. When I was nine I fretted we couldn't afford our trip to Disney World. I asked my parents if we could afford it and I remember their don't worry about it response. Surely you don't camp outside of Disney World if you could afford it.

Things are so different now. I'm no longer living on tip money. I prefer lattes to mochas. I drive a Corolla. But most different of all is my ability to spend money without (so much) guilt. I don't miss the guilt, but I do yearn for more frugality. What would that mean? Well for starters I should use my travel mug.